What I last ate
What I last drank
Song in my head
I started my studies tubing the Salt River. You learn some serious hillbilly lessons when you are trying to ensure that you stay secured to a styrofoam cooler full of cheap domestic beer. River tubing is chock full of interesting indiviuals just overflowing with hillbilly information that they are just ACHING to share with you. I learned what I could.
Now that was my underclassmen period. I was truly educated in hillbilly at that institution of high learning for all people searching for such wisdom. NASCAR race. Oh yes. This is where I learned to speak hillbilly. Because of this extensive education, I have learned to speak in similies like the best of 'em. The following phrases frequently leave my mouth: Like the tail waggin' the dog, like bringin' a knife to a gunfight, dumb as a bag of hammers. It's impressive. I swear to you.
I graduated with my degree in hillybilly after catching pnuemonia at a NASCAR race. At the Urgent Care I was handed medication and my diploma.
I am sharing this as it has recently come to my attention that I may be ready for a graduate program. While in Jackson, MS this spring I noticed a young man. Dead ringer for Larry the Cable Guy. Only in overalls. Saw him a number of times. My best friend and I so adored him we kept having our picture made with him (hillybilly for posing for a picture, mind you). We affectionately refered to him all weekend as "Cooter Bob." Only when we got home and developed the photos did we realize it was not the same guy each time. The place was crawling with "Cooter Bobs." What the hell did we know. We were so full of whiskey, we should have been wearin' barrels. I am FASCINATED by this. I may do my thesis on "Cooter Bob."