Would you like butter sauce with your crab?

What I last ate Fried Chicken
What I last drank Diet Dr. Pepper
Song in my head A Lot of Leaving Left to Do

I am so damn crabby I can't stand myself. I will not bore you with the details. Instead, I am going to go watch Napolean Dynamite for the gazillionth time.

Your job is to find ways for me to get in a good mood without committing a homicide. Something about being married to a cop leads me to believe that would be a bad idea...