This is not my beautiful house...

What I last ate
What I last drank
Song in my head

I really don't like being busy. I enjoy being a slackass and I'm good at it.

So, in the interest of time (I have some slackassing I need to accomplish while I envy Olympic athletes and drool over the men's swim team. Okay, fine. ALL the men's swim teams...) I will give y'all the Reader Digest Condensed Version of my diary:

My friend Shari came for a visit. We are the funniest people we know.

I believe Home Depot is holding my new bathroom cabinets hostage.

I went to go get my daughter from her crib on Friday and she was standing in it, holding on to the crib railing. I have banned growing up in my house.

I should be painting my bathroom right now.

"We got married in a fever - Hotter than a pepper sprout - We've been talking 'bout Jackson - Ever since the fire went out"

Started new job yesterday. I am so damn happy at this point I can't stand myself.

I got some new glasses. I look smart.

I drank a whole bottle of wine by myself, in the middle of the day, on Sunday. I'm not ashamed in the slightest bit.

I have a gift certificate for a massage that is almost six months old. Am I stupid?

My new job has given me a free membership to the swankiest gym in town. I'd like to spend all day Thursday in the Eucylyptus Steam Room.

I launched a full out assault on mosquitoes in my house and won.

My dog keeps farting. Can she come stay at your place?

I'm annoyed that it keeps acting like it's going to rain and never does. Then again, last monsoon season I lost part of my roof. The grass is always greener...

I'd rather be in Mexico.